Education gives you...

Why become educated? What does education give you that you really need?

I think education can give us many things. It may bring us:

Choices

Happiness

Money

Opportunities

Good Health

Etc...

However, we have no guarantees we will have more choices, be happier, make more money, have more opportunities or enjoy greater health if we become educated.

So why get educated?

Because

it

gives

us

confidence

and with confidence we can achieve many things.

When we learn something really well, our chests swell with pride as we describe or demonstrate our new interest with passion. We can use our confidence in a boastful way or in a productive way. What we do with that confidence is up to us. You may choose to use it to search for more choices in life, more happiness, more money, more opportunities and greater health. Or, you may not. It’s up to you.

Any thoughts?

Battle Hymn of an Average Mother (of Average Children)

Amy Chua’s new book has raised a lot of attention lately. An excerpt from Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother ran in the Wall Street Journal recently, titled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior."

I’m guessing most readers of this blog subscribe to an authoritative parenting style. I do my best to be authoritative with my kids and do not consider myself an indulgent or authoritarian parent. Everything I’ve read about the book indicates that Amy Chua (aka, Tiger Mother) subscribes to an authoritarian parenting style.

A quick review of these three popular parenting styles:

Parents generally fall into one of three categories: authoritarian (telling their children exactly what to do), indulgent (allowing their children to do whatever they wish), or authoritative (providing rules and guidance without being overbearing)*

*Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parenting_styles

Here are some insights about Amy Chua’s book from Po Bronson, co-author of Nurture Shock:

“I just couldn't endorse the book… Not because Amy Chua admits to insulting and guilting her daughters constantly ... and not because Amy Chua deprives her kids of playdates and sleepovers ... and not because Amy disses athletics and drama. Rather, I couldn't endorse it because too much of the book felt like braggadocio about how great her daughters were at piano and violin. Hey, we all do it ... we take immense pride when our kids do well ... some of that pride slips out now and then, absolutely ... but a whole book predicated on children's superiority made me uncomfortable.”

When I read Po Bronson’s and other’s reviews of Tiger Mother I couldn’t help but wonder what percentage of the school age population this book applies to.

In my opinion, Tiger Mother is preaching to an elite group of parents, giving advice to a minute percentage of the population who are wealthy and highly educated, like her own family (I’m guessing, look at the picture above).

As long as parents know she is giving advice to this small, select group, that’s fine. And, yes, her strict tactics will work and her children will become accomplished at tasks they practice 3-4 hours per day. But I worry when her elite standard becomes the standard for the majority of the school age population.

Of the approximately 63 million school-aged children in the US how many have the same advantages (wealth & education) that the Chuas have? How many are above average intellectually? How many are average? How many are below average?

I’m guessing the majority of those 63 million students fall into the intellectually “average” category. As measured by standardized tests, I am intellectually average, as are my children and (I’m still guessing) most of the students at my children’s schools.

Yet, I see many U.S. suburban and urban public schools setting standards for the majority of their students that are attainable to a select few. Look at what is now required to enroll in a University of California school, for example. Teenagers must have a full resume to even consider applying to a UC school – a high GPA combined with many extra curricular and community service activities. (Listen to a recent NPR interview here about stressed high school kids on Tell Me More.)

It’s perfectly fine and necessary to set high goals and standards for ourselves and for our children. That will keep us on the path to life long learning. But, if we are always looking at the outcome or performance, we will miss the process and the journey.

It is also perfectly fine to accept ourselves as we are, and realize that sometimes good (or average) is good enough.

Or, as Claire Dederer says in Poser : “It might be nice to take incredible off the menu for a while and just enjoy ordinary.”

Final Exams Week - Advice

This week is final exams week for my sons’ school district. So, here’s my advice to parents on how to handle your kids during this week. (Or to parents of any age students who have tests throughout the school year.)

DON’T BUG THEM!

Our kids know they have tests. They know they have to study if they want to get a decent grade. The teachers tell them this. Their peers tell them this. They tell themselves this. The last thing they need (or want) to hear is their parents reminding them (ie., nagging them) to study.

Bugging our kids about studying (or homework) is like rubbing salt in the wound. It’s already painful enough (usually) for kids to buckle down and study (and do homework).

But, many parents fear that if they don’t urge them to study, maybe they won’t study and then maybe they’ll fail, or get a bad grade on a test. Yes. Maybe. And that’s ok. The point is that kids have to own their own work, their own study habits and their own grades. This is their deal, not the parent’s deal. The kids are in school, not the parents.

Parents should not worry about their kids when they have tests and finals (and homework). If you worry for them, they will sense your worry. I’ve heard many teenagers say something like this, “My mom means well, but she really worries too much about my grades and college, and she doesn’t realize how annoying this is and how it makes it harder for me.”

Don’t give the impression that a student’s whole future depends on a certain score on a final exam - especially if your son or daughter is a junior in high school! Do you remember what scores you got on your final exams? I don’t. But I know they weren’t perfect, and I know I still had a future.

I’m not saying that you should refuse to help them if they ask for help studying. But don’t take over their studying. Or, maybe suggest they study with a friend or sibling if they ask you for help. They will probably get more out of peer studying than studying with you.

And, after the test, don’t ask them how they did. Don’t say anything. They will tell you how it went in their own time. Just ask them how their day was. Period. Let them do the talking, or do none at all. It’s ok. They’ve just hunched over their desks all day and are mentally drained and exhausted. Let them be. Don’t pressure them.

Just make sure they have a good meal and plenty of rest that night.

And, finally, turn off SchoolLoop or whatever electronic grading system your school uses. This tool is meant for middle and high school students to check assignments and grades. Resist the urge to check this daily. Let the students own this, too. Parents should just check it every couple weeks or if you suspect your child is having trouble at school.

Your turn. What advice do you have for parents of kids taking final exams?

The Cubicle and The Classroom

Imagine your boss asks you to work on a design for a new product your company is soon launching. He gives you a time frame for completion and some guidelines. He also tells you that he is not available to help but you can check in with him from time to time to let him know how it’s going. And, on a certain date he’ll want to see what you come up with.

Now, imagine you begin this task and soon discover you need a team to help you because you have a few ideas but you need more, and you feel stuck. You then ask several members in your department to work with you on this project. Before long you and your team have come up with something you think meets the criteria and you are excited about sharing it with your boss. You’ve even worked on this project outside of normal working hours because you all had other work to do and didn’t want to get behind in that during this project.

When the time comes to show your boss the new design he…

(Scenario 1)… looks at the design, listens to how you and your team have developed it, is impressed and congratulates you and your team on your design, which is still a work in progress. He gives you more goals and guidelines and asks that you and your team continue with your collaborative work toward making the intended product. He doesn’t expect you to work overtime on this, but just during the workday. He is excited about the design realizing it is very forward thinking and may even help the company make a name for itself.

(Scenario 2)…looks at the design, listens to how you and your team have developed it, is impressed by it but scolds you for gathering a team to help you work on the project. He says he had asked YOU to do it and if he had wanted a team to do it he would have told you that from the start. Even though the design meets all the criteria, and the product will make a name for the company, he lowers your pay for that week and tells you not to work collaboratively again unless he asks you to.


I’ve heard from many parents who share stories like this with me, but the scenario is school, not the business world. Their son or daughter was caught “cheating” because they chose to work on an assignment or project with a group of kids instead of doing it alone. When the time comes to turn in the assignment, all students who worked together have the same answers so the teacher gives each one of them a failing grade for that assignment or project. Even when the students ask the teacher to quiz them verbally to see if they know the material, the teacher refuses and calls them dishonest.

I’m pretty certain that Scenario 2 (above) doesn’t happen very often (if ever!) in the business world. Yet Scenario 2 (substituting student for employee and teacher for boss) happens on a regular basis in classrooms across the country.

I posted a blog entry about “The Global Achievement Gap” by Tony Wagner a while ago. You can read it here.

Tony Wagner highlights what business people say about new employees:

(26) Kids just out of school have an amazing lack of preparedness in general leadership skills and collaborative skills…They lack the ability to influence versus direct command…the only kind of leadership young people have…is one that relies on obedience versus the kind…demanded by…teams and networks.

If you run into a situation with your son or daughter where they have been accused of cheating when they were working in a group, I suggest you give his or her teacher a copy of this book. I also suggest you have a polite but firm conversation with the teacher to explain that it’s more important for your child to be creative and collaborative in doing assignments than it is for him to get a certain grade. We are so focused on grades and competition in the classroom that anything creative or collaborative looks like cheating.

As Ken Robinson says, “We’ve been told for 10 years in school there is one answer, and it’s in the back of the book, and don’t copy, that’s cheating. Outside of school, cheating is called collaborating.”

Any thoughts?