Looking Back and Looking Forward as an Empty Nester

I'm about to be an empty nester, and I am reflecting back on my youngest son's experiences in public school.  Here Sam was in middle school:

And, here he is now, about to graduate from high school:

School has been a struggle for Sam.  He is not in that top 20% academically.  I don't think he will be upset if I share that he has been in the Resource program since middle school. He has proudly, openly proclaimed that Resource saved him in both middle and high school. In addition to seeking out Resource services, probably the best thing I ever did for Sam (beginning in middle school) was to back off and stop micro-managing his homework.  

I, admittedly, hovered over him in elementary school WAY TOO MUCH. (Having a teaching background, I felt entitled to hover.) I'm actually embarrassed at how much I stepped in and "helped" him with homework.  I brought him to tears more than once during some marathon homework sessions.  I even made a video once of him crying when he was supposed to be doing homework and showed it to him. (I know, BAD PARENTING MOMENT, I'm truly ashamed I did that. I'm so sorry Sam!)

I finally backed off and woke up when I saw what homework was doing to both my sons in middle school - crushing their spirits.  And that's when I took an unpopular stand on homework and helped initiate a change in the homework policy in my son's district, back in 2007.  This blog was created out of that homework policy research.

Since then, parents will see me and ask, "Hey, whatever happened with the homework policy?  You did so much work on that and my son/daughter still gets busywork.  Why don't the teachers follow the policy?"

What I've learned through the years is what I knew from the beginning.  In their lifetime, our kids will have some truly excellent, creative, innovative, nurturing, intelligent, dedicated teachers (and both of my boys have) and they will also unfortunately experience some very non-exceptional teachers (and both of my boys have).  We parents have little or no control over what teachers our kids end up with.  But, as long as they are still living in our homes, we do have control over how we interact with them at the end of the school day.

Here are some concrete things I did to stop micro-managing my kids and let them take control of their own learning:

• I turned off the daily email feature on School Snoop (a.k.a. School Loop)
• I looked at School Loop only once per quarter or less
• I stopped asking them how much homework they had after school
• I didn't ask them when they had tests or quizzes or papers or projects due
• I didn't freak out when they said they failed or did really badly on a test or assignment
• I let them decide what classes they wanted to take
• I focused on the content of what they were learning instead of the grade
• I encouraged them to contact their own teachers with questions and frustrations instead of my doing it
• I encouraged them to seek out other students for support or help
• I empathized with them when they were frustrated about too much busywork
• I empathized with them when they were frustrated about a difficult teacher or administrator experience
• I stopped signing them up for too many after school activities
• I stopped sending them to tutors, eventually (this took a while for me to figure out)
• I encouraged down time and free play
• I didn't require them to build a resume for college
• I celebrated with them when they had little or no homework
• I celebrated with them when they experienced a great teacher or teaching moment

Did both of my boys fail some tests and assignments and not get straight A's? Yep.  Did either one end up with a 4.8 GPA?  Nope.  Did they both get into college?  Yep.  

I'd like to share with you that Sam, my Resource student son, got into a small, private school (Sierra Nevada College) that gave him a hefty academic scholarship because his GPA was over a 3.0. Sam didn't beat himself up academically to be in the top 20% of his class, and his grades are just over average, he took no honors or advanced classes, and yet he still found a college that seems to be a good fit for him and is giving him a half-tuition scholarship for his efforts.  

There is a right fit for every type of learner out there.  And, it doesn't have to be college.  It can be a gap year, or internship, or work, or whatever speaks to your child.  And, realize that kids may start out in college and not finish at the same school or even finish at all.  Whatever happens with their educational journey, I hope I can remember my list of things that I did to be a supportive, non-hovering, non-judgmental parent and just keep encouraging them along the way.

  

One Student At A Time

Last week I spent 2 full days in Sacramento visiting The Met Sac, a dependent charter high school (with 230 students) within the Sacramento City Unified School District (50,000 students). The principal at this school said the district calls The Met Sac “the feather in its cap.” And, after visiting the school for 2 days, I can see why the district is proud of it.

The main thing I liked about this unique high school was the internships all the students are required to do. They spend roughly half their time working at jobs around the city and they write and present projects based on their internships. While I was there I visited students at their internships at the following places: a photography studio, a Latin art store/gallery, a lawyer’s office, a city councilmen’s office, an auto mechanic shop and a tea shop all in downtown Sacramento.

Students are at their internships every Tuesday and Thursday all day. Monday, Wednesday and Friday they are at school attending their academic classes – English, history, math, Spanish and science. Many of their academic classes are taught in a semi-traditional way that included student discussions, individual work and small group projects. And yes, they have homework, but every student I talked with about homework said it was reasonable and they get enough time during the day to get most of their work done.

The students are matched with an Advisor (teacher) who stays with them their whole 4 years. Yes, they stay with their same Advisor and classmates from grade 9 to grade 12. Class sizes were about 15-20. This reminded me of the Waldorf approach.

Most of these kids were from downtown Sacramento. Many were underprivileged and from broken homes. The main thing that impressed me about all of the kids I talked to was how articulate, focused, poised and inspired they were in their attitudes about school and about their internships.

As I talked to the staff and students I wondered if our high schools here in the East Bay could implement some type of internship program as well for all of our high school students. Can this be done on a larger scale? I hope so because I’m a firm believer in making the high school experience as real to the real world as possible for all students.

And it appears that these Big Picture Schools are on the President’s radar, as well. Today I got this encouraging email from the LTI (Learning Through Internship) Coordinator at the Met Sac:

On Monday March 1, 2010 President Barack Obama addressed the U.S. Chamber Of Commerce on the topic of education. He discussed the high numbers of high school students in the United States who drop out and do not earn a diploma. He then highlighted innovative high schools that have been effective at reversing this trend and empowering students to excel.

President Obama specifically highlighted the Met High School in Providence, RI as an example of the type of innovative and revolutionary school that has been very successful.

"That's why we'll follow the example of places like the Met Center in Rhode Island that give students that individual attention, while also preparing them through real-world, hands-on training the possibility of succeeding in a career.”

The Met Sacramento High School is a part of the Big Picture Learning Network, modeled on The Met in Providence, RI. The Met’s approach is to work with “One Student at a Time;” students and families work closely with their advisor to create individualized learning plans. Students pursue their passions through internships and gain hands‐on experience by engaging in real‐world learning. Met Sac students have the opportunity to take classes at Sacramento City College through a unique early college high school dual‐enrollment program supported by the Foundation for California Community Colleges. Students connect with staff through an advisory program and develop lasting relationships with classmates. In addition to the School Advisory Board, parents/guardians attend student exhibition presentations to discuss progress and future goals.

It wasn't a perfect school and I didn't like everything I saw, but it left a big impression and gave me lots of good ideas. One thing I really liked about the staff was their philosophy that they are constantly tweaking what they do at the school to try to improve it. They are fine with encountering failures along the way because they know that errors lead to success. A computer in one of the rooms at the school had a sticker on it that read, “Fail to Succeed!”

What will I do with this information? Possibly explore the idea of starting a charter school that uses internships if I can get the right team with similar goals to work with me. Anyone interested in talking to me about this possibility? If so, please email me: kerryleadickinson@gmail.com