Thursday, May 31, 2018
Are You a Carpenter or Gardener Parent?
I just listened to an informative podcast by NPR's Shankar Vendantam about parenting. You can find the link here. He interviewed Alison Gopnik, psychology and philosophy professor at Berkeley about two models of parenting, the carpenter versus the gardener model.
Listen to the podcast and see what type of parent you are.
The one thing that bothered me about the questions Shankar asked Alison was his narrow definition of success. He seems to define successful children as those who are in the top 5% in any given field. Ug. Will we ever get past this?
I do think Ms. Gopnik was able to challenge him with her science on parents who allow children room to grow, explore, create, fail, innovate, etc. Gardener parents don't expect a certain result by using certain tools and instruction manuals in raising their children (like carpenter parents do), instead, gardener parents help their children plant the seeds, step back, allow variables to derail the expected result, and ultimately accept whatever happens.
Parents are much less stressed out when they can adopt this mode of parenting. This really is about parents living in the present by not expecting their kid's future to turn out a certain way and by being okay with what happens each day. Some days may even come with pleasant, unexpected, wonderful surprises if you just sit back in wonder at what is growing in the garden we call our children's lives.
Labels:
childhood,
children,
education,
helicopter parents,
NPR,
parent education,
parenting,
school,
success
Monday, February 12, 2018
Advice for New Parents with Disabilities
By: Guest Blogger, Ashley Taylor, Disabledparents.org
Image Courtesy of Pixabay.com
Parenting is difficult
at the best of times, and having a disability is certainly not going to make
our journey as parents easier. You’re going to have to prepare yourself and
your home for this new chapter in your life. Things will be hard. However, this
is truly one of the most rewarding aspects of life, especially when armed with
good information.
Adaptive Equipment Will Help
Every disability is
different. Because of this, every individual will require different adaptive equipment to assist them. Whether
it’s prosthetics, a cane, a rocker knife, or a mobility scooter, your equipment
to make your life easier is also going to make raising a child easier. A button
hooker may help you dress, but it will also help you dress your little one. You
will also find new ways to use the items you have at home to help you take care
of your baby.
These will probably be
unique to your experience and will completely depend on how your disability
affects you and what extra assistance you need. Unfortunately, there are very
few guides for parents with disabilities, so it will largely be trial and
error.
Teach Your Children Good Judgment
Depending on your
disability, you may be more physically limited than other parents. You may have
to teach your child how to be more independent than others at an early age. It
may be a good idea to help your little one understand as early as possible that
they may need to rely on themselves for the physical aspects of their life. You
may not be there to catch them when they fall, so they will need to be able to
make good decisions. They will need to determine if the course of action they
set themselves on will lead to consequences they can treat themselves.
Equipping them with a sense of responsibility is one of many ways you can help
guide your child.
Prepare to Get Help
There is only so much
a child can do on their own and your disability may limit your physical
capacity. That is why it’s important to have a strong network of support as,
even though it may seem cliché, the adage that it takes a village to raise a
child is an accurate one. Share the load with your partner or with any family
who has the time and capability to assist you. Ask a friend over to help watch
your baby, so you can cook ahead for the week, catch up on laundry, or even
just to give you time to take a nap. If you need further assistance, if you are
a single parent, it’s good to familiarize yourself, in advance, with the various organizations that are there to relieve
you.
Take Care of Yourself
Things will be
stressful. Most likely, there is no getting around that. For various reasons,
you may feel guilty for taking any time to yourself to
practice self-care. Put every negative feeling and every excuse you use to
put-off taking care of yourself aside. You need to take care of yourself. As a
parent, this is not an option but a mandate. It may take time to find out
exactly what things help you relax the best, but the process of finding out can
be beneficial. If you’re at a loss as to where to begin, there are plenty of lists online that can give you some idea of
how to engage in your needed self-care.
This, hopefully, will
be a wonderful part of your life. You will make mistakes. You will struggle. Every parent, able-bodied or with a
disability, does. That is part of life, and part of growing, both as a parent
and an individual. But one of the best, most rewarding aspects of parenthood is
that you will never be alone, and will be treading your path with those around
you.
By: Ashley Taylor
Labels:
child rearing,
disable parents,
education,
parenting,
special needs
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Top Ten Tips
Top Ten Tips to Help Your Child Thrive in School This Year
-reposted from Challenge Success
2. Resist the urge to correct the errors in your child's homework. It's your child's work, not yours.
3. Work done with integrity is more important than an A. Pressure to achieve only top scores can make students resort to cheating.
4. Make time for PDF: playtime, downtime, family time. Research shows PDF is critical for overall well-being.
5. Create a technology-free environment during mealtimes. Every adult and child can benefit from a break from constant interruptions and distractions.
6. Collaborate with your child's teachers. Assume best intentions and work together to solve problems.
7. Fight the temptation to bring your child’s forgotten homework to school. Kids gain resilience by learning from small failures.
8. An extra hour of sleep is more valuable than an extra hour of studying. Research shows sleep deprivation can be associated with depression and anxiety.
9. When your child wants to talk with you, stop what you are doing and engage. Does "I hate school" really mean "I am being bullied" or "I don't fit in?"
10. Help your child develop his or her interests and strengths. Discover what your child really loves to do outside of school, not what you think a college admissions officer would like to see on an application.
Labels:
Challenge Success,
child,
children,
education,
school,
school year,
teachers,
teenagers,
teens,
tips
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