Final Exams Week - Advice

This week is final exams week for my sons’ school district. So, here’s my advice to parents on how to handle your kids during this week. (Or to parents of any age students who have tests throughout the school year.)

DON’T BUG THEM!

Our kids know they have tests. They know they have to study if they want to get a decent grade. The teachers tell them this. Their peers tell them this. They tell themselves this. The last thing they need (or want) to hear is their parents reminding them (ie., nagging them) to study.

Bugging our kids about studying (or homework) is like rubbing salt in the wound. It’s already painful enough (usually) for kids to buckle down and study (and do homework).

But, many parents fear that if they don’t urge them to study, maybe they won’t study and then maybe they’ll fail, or get a bad grade on a test. Yes. Maybe. And that’s ok. The point is that kids have to own their own work, their own study habits and their own grades. This is their deal, not the parent’s deal. The kids are in school, not the parents.

Parents should not worry about their kids when they have tests and finals (and homework). If you worry for them, they will sense your worry. I’ve heard many teenagers say something like this, “My mom means well, but she really worries too much about my grades and college, and she doesn’t realize how annoying this is and how it makes it harder for me.”

Don’t give the impression that a student’s whole future depends on a certain score on a final exam - especially if your son or daughter is a junior in high school! Do you remember what scores you got on your final exams? I don’t. But I know they weren’t perfect, and I know I still had a future.

I’m not saying that you should refuse to help them if they ask for help studying. But don’t take over their studying. Or, maybe suggest they study with a friend or sibling if they ask you for help. They will probably get more out of peer studying than studying with you.

And, after the test, don’t ask them how they did. Don’t say anything. They will tell you how it went in their own time. Just ask them how their day was. Period. Let them do the talking, or do none at all. It’s ok. They’ve just hunched over their desks all day and are mentally drained and exhausted. Let them be. Don’t pressure them.

Just make sure they have a good meal and plenty of rest that night.

And, finally, turn off SchoolLoop or whatever electronic grading system your school uses. This tool is meant for middle and high school students to check assignments and grades. Resist the urge to check this daily. Let the students own this, too. Parents should just check it every couple weeks or if you suspect your child is having trouble at school.

Your turn. What advice do you have for parents of kids taking final exams?

11 Tips to Begin the School Year

We always tell our kids to start the school year off right. We give them tips on how to impress teachers, how to be prepared, how to get organized, etc. But, we need to think about how we parents can start the school year off right, too.

Here are 11 of my tips for parents:

1. Don’t over schedule your children. Benefits: you save money, get more time at home as a family and are generally less stressed out when you’re not driving your kids around after school running from one activity to the next.

2. Don’t sign your child up for academic tutoring unless he/she is in jeopardy of failing a class. (i.e., don’t pay for a tutor to boost a “C” or “B” to an “A”.) Benefits: same as in #1 and you are sending the message to your child that he/she is fine the way he/she is. You will trust the teachers to do their jobs. They will get a better indication of your child’s ability if your child isn’t getting extra outside help (this includes helps from you, too).

3. Don’t ask your kids about grades, test scores or homework too often. Instead, focus on the content of the subject. (Instead of “What did you get on the test?” say, “What are you learning in science?” Benefits: you are teaching them to take ownership of their own schedules. You are letting them manage their own time. You are taking the focus off scores and putting it on learning. You are alleviating stress in their lives.

4. If you are connected to an electronic school communication tool (like "School Loop") don't look at homework assignments and grades daily. Benefits: Same as in #3 and you will not be as stressed out if you don't micromanage your child's work or be overly concerned about his/her grades. Many parents call it "School Snoop" for good reason.

5. Give your kids at least an hour of down time after school. Benefits: they will be more cooperative and happy if they can de-stress and “chill out” after spending 7 hours at school.

6. Have your child do daily or weekly chores – lawn mowing, sweeping, cleaning toilets, vacuuming, taking care of the family pets, planning, preparing, cooking and cleaning up after meals. Benefits: you will be less stressed because you will have more help around the house, your child will learn about the responsibility of being part of a family.

7. Don’t yell at your kids during homework time; you are not the homework enforcer. If they spend more that 10 minutes a night per grade level, email or talk to the teacher. (ie., 10 minutes/night in 1^st grade, 40 minutes/night in 4^th grade, etc.) Benefits: you will get along with your kids better. Your kids will see that you value family time over work time. Your kids will have more balance in their lives.

8. Don’t go to every scheduled sports game or extracurricular activity of your child’s. Benefits: your child will be participating for the love of the game or of the activity, not to earn your approval.

9. Encourage unstructured outside neighborhood activities after school - a walk, a bike ride, hide-n-seek, skateboarding, picking flowers, building something, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, etc. Benefits: your child will get exercise and use his/her imagination. Your child might meet friends in the neighborhood. You will be less stressed because you won’t be driving him/her somewhere. You will use less gas and that’s good for the environment!

10. Don’t use rewards and punishments with regard to school and sports. Benefits: the focus shifts from seeing our children as performers to seeing them as people.

11. Let your children fail. Think of the slogan "Fail to Succeed." In other words, they must make failed attempts at tasks before they can succeed. Benefits: they will make discoveries on their own.

3 Observations on Homework

1. If homework can be copied, it is bad homework.

Most kids will cheat on homework if they can. Why not? It usually feels like a waste of their time, especially if the teacher just checks it off and doesn’t give constructive feedback on it.

What kind of homework can be cheated on? Fill in the blanks, word searches, crossword puzzles, end of chapter summaries, math problems, etc.

What kind of homework cannot be copied or done by someone else for you? Reading for pleasure, personal journal entries, & studying for a quiz or test.

What kind of homework is good homework? Homework that turns the students on to whatever it is they are learning. This could include just about any type of homework, but typically it will involve: working on something of interest to the student that they can do on their own (or with a classmate) that they have plenty of time to complete, like a really creative, student-driven project. This may also include reading for pleasure (if they enjoy reading) and writing for pleasure (if they enjoy writing).

But how will a teacher know if a student understands material if she doesn’t give worksheets and chapter summaries? Instructional devices like work sheets, writing and reading exercises, and discussions are formative assessments teachers should use during class time. These learning activities are practice for students and will help the teacher evaluate her instruction. If these activities come home as homework, the teacher doesn’t have a true gauge of the student’s learning because someone else can do the work for the student. See this article: “To Grade or Not to Grade Homework”

2. If homework must be given, make it the exception, not the rule, and please make it creative.

If teachers occasionally must assign homework, it should be teacher designed (not copied out of a text book or a work sheet).

This tip is from one of Alfie Kohn’s articles: “Changing the Homework Default”

“Assign only what you design. In most cases, students should be asked to do only what teachers are willing to create themselves, as opposed to prefabricated worksheets or generic exercises photocopied from textbooks. Also, it rarely makes sense to give the same assignment to all students in a class because it’s unlikely to be beneficial for most of them. Those who already understand the concept will be wasting their time, and those who don’t understand will become increasingly frustrated. There is no perfect assignment that will stimulate every student because one size simply doesn’t fit all. On those days when homework really seems necessary, teachers should create several assignments fitted to different interests and capabilities. But it’s better to give no homework to anyone than the same homework to everyone."

3. If homework must be given, do NOT grade it.

Students tell me they must do their homework because they cannot lose points. What is wrong with this statement? Wouldn’t it be ideal if students said they had to do their homework because otherwise they wouldn’t understand something they were supposed to be learning in school? Or, better yet, that they wanted to do their homework because it was so interesting to them and they were really getting excited about something they were learning in school.

When teachers make homework about points and grades, the emphasis on learning disappears and students begin to focus on grades instead of the content of the subject. Additionally, “of all student work, homework assignments are the most likely to receive zeros. The accumulation of zeros can unfairly skew the total grade far below the total grade as indicated by tests. And, the effects of zeros on beginning learners can place many dangerously at-risk. Failure does not motivate, but frustrates and discourages.”

Read more at Suite101: To Grade or Not to Grade Homework: Homework is for Diagnosis and Practice http://skill-assessment.suite101.com/article.cfm/homework_to_grade_or_not_to_grade#ixzz0obxKE7uk

Your thoughts on any of these 3 homework observations?