Spoiled or Special?

Check out this recent article by Elizabeth Kolbert in The New Yorker: "Spoiled Rotten: Why Do Kids Rule the Roost?"


Some highlights from this article:

• "With the exception of the imperial offspring of the Ming dynasty and the dauphins of pre-Revolutionary France, contemporary American kids may represent the most indulged young people in the history of the world. It’s not just that they’ve been given unprecedented amounts of stuff—clothes, toys, cameras, skis, computers, televisions, cell phones, PlayStations, iPods. (The market for Burberry Baby and other forms of kiddie “couture” has reportedly been growing by ten per cent a year.) They’ve also been granted unprecedented authority. “Parents want their kids’ approval, a reversal of the past ideal of children striving for their parents’ approval,” Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, both professors of psychology, have written."

• "After four years in college and two on the West Coast, her son Jed moved back to Manhattan and settled into his old room in the family’s apartment, together with thirty-four boxes of vinyl LPs. Unemployed, Jed liked to stay out late, sleep until noon, and wander around in his boxers. Koslow set out to try to understand why he and so many of his peers seemed stuck in what she regarded as permanent “adultescence.” She concluded that one of the reasons is the lousy economy."

• “'The best way for a lot of us to show our love would be to learn to un-mother and un-father.' One practical tip ... is to do nothing when your adult child finally decides to move out." 

• "Also key, Druckerman discovered, is just saying non. In contrast to American parents, French parents, when they say it, actually mean it. They 'view learning to cope with ‘no’ as a crucial step in a child’s evolution,' Druckerman writes. 'It forces them to understand that there are other people in the world, with needs as powerful as their own.'”

• "The cycle in American households seems mostly to run in the opposite direction. So little is expected of kids that even adolescents may not know how to operate the many labor-saving devices their homes are filled with."

• "In A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting (Broadway), Hara Estroff Marano argues that college rankings are ultimately to blame for what ails the American family. Her argument runs more or less as follows: High-powered parents worry that the economic opportunities for their children are shrinking. They see a degree from a top-tier school as one of the few ways to give their kids a jump on the competition. In order to secure this advantage, they will do pretty much anything, which means not just taking care of all the cooking and cleaning but also helping their children with math homework, hiring them S.A.T. tutors, and, if necessary, suing their high school." 

• "In contemporary American culture, the patterns are more elusive. What values do we convey by turning our homes into warehouses for dolls? By assigning our kids chores and then rewarding them when they screw up? By untying and then retying their shoes for them? It almost seems as if we’re actively trying to raise a nation of 'adultescents.' And, perhaps without realizing it, we are."

Ouch!

So, how do you feel after reading this article? My thoughts are that I realize my boys have been given a lot of stuff and experiences in their lives that are unnecessary, and yet I've tried to teach them to not be materialistic despite all that they have, and all they have experienced. I've also tried to be an authoritative parent (not permissive and not authoritarian) - hoping to guide them while giving and receiving both respect and love. It's a continual work in progress, parenting in between indulgence and strict obedience.

Check out my side bar under Books on Parenting.  One recently published book to note is: Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success by Madeline Levine.  And, a favorite of mine that I read several times when my boys were younger: Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn.

Your thoughts on spoiled children or parenting?