Parents of Elementary and Middle School students and Homework: What Is Your Role?

Check out this Challenge Success Webinar

Start the second half of the school year off right! Each week we hear from parents around the country that homework is hazardous to their family life. We're here to help. This Friday, January 30th, Dr. Denise Pope will host our first webinar on homework. 

Many parents struggle at least occasionally, and sometimes regularly, with their child over homework. Learn why the dynamics of homework have changed in recent years, what you can do to minimize homework stress, and how to help make homework time more positive for you and your child.

This presentation will provide you with:

• Information on the latest trends and research on homework
• Ideas for how best to support your child’s homework efforts
• Tips for how to communicate and collaborate effectively with teachers about homework

Target Audience: Parents of elementary and middle school students

This is our most requested presentation topic each year. Friday's webinar allows us to share this important content with parents and communities that we can't always reach in person. Get in on our introductory rate of $19/person. Please Note: there is a limit of 100 participants for this webinar. Reserve your ticket now. 
 

Sign-up for the Webinar!
Friday, January 30, 2015
12:30-2:00 pm PST
Introductory Price: $19/person

The Three Most Important Questions You Can Ask Your Teenager

by Michael Mulligan
from The Huffington Post
12/2/14
Read the whole article here.

Here are some quotes from the article:

"We have raised a generation that is plagued with insecurity, anxiety and despair.

...this generation of highly accomplished, college-bound students have been robbed of their independence because they have been raised in a petri dish for one purpose only: to attend an elite college that ensures their and their families' economic and social status. Instead of being nurtured towards real curiosity and a genuine sense of citizenship, these millennials are conditioned to think that everything they do is for the purpose of looking good in the eyes of admissions officers and employers: you earn good grades not because they mean you are learning something, but rather because they will help you stand out from your peers when applying to the Ivies. You engage in community service not because you wish genuinely to make a positive difference in the lives of others but rather because that is how you burnish your resume -- service as check-off box. You play sports not because they build character and teamwork and are a whole lot of fun, but because you want to try to get recruited for a college team. You study art or music not because you wish to refine your understanding of human nature, creativity and culture but because it will help you look smarter.

Many college students who fall apart under pressure because they cannot conceive of the fact that hard work and learning are positive outcomes in and of themselves. They have no sense of who they are or what is important in their lives. They have spent so much time trying to look good that they do not know what "The Good" (consider Plato here) really is.

We have raised a generation of kids who are taught that appearance is more important than substance and that outcomes are more important than character. As a result, they inhabit empty vessels that lead them to a series of negative behaviors that results in, yes, unhappiness, which they try erase with empty sex, drugs, alcohol...

...stop asking What (What grade did you get? What team did you make?) 

and begin asking Who, Where, and How?

• Who tells us who we are?
• Where do we want to go with our lives?
• How do we want to get there?"

Read the whole article here.

Wanting the Best, or Needing to Be the Best?

I'm reprinting an article entitled,

Harvard, Schmarvard; Why Getting Your Kids Into College Should Be the Least of Your Concerns
by Michelle Rose Gilman
9/28/14
Huff Post Parents


"It's almost that time of year. I can feel it in the fall air and see it on the faces of parents and seniors everywhere. It's almost college application time and the race begins, as parents and kids vie for the chance to get into their first choice colleges.

For some parents, college acceptance approaches the culmination of every single parenting choice ever made. It can seem the ultimate goal, the ROI of parenthood, the final gold award and the epitome of a parenting job well done. It feels like the end game for every AP class, honors class, volunteer opportunity, and sports involvement that you required of your child. This college acceptance looms as the justification for the hours upon hours of helping with homework, rewriting their essays, doing most of their science fair projects since sixth grade, hiring the most expensive college counselor, and pushing, pushing, pushing your kids to get the A at any cost. "My child got into his first choice university" will be worn proudly and loudly as a testament to how well you have done as mom and dad.

I'm just being honest. I have been hacking into your lives for the past 25 years as a founder and head of school at a private school in California. If you are finding yourself already getting annoyed or a little angry with me, I ask you to hear me out. I was once where you are now, until my son decided on a much different path and forced me to rethink the whole process and what constituted my achievement as a parent. It was not college acceptance."

Read the rest HERE

Please feel free to leave a comment.

Summer Homework Blues?

I recently received an email from an old friend, who now has middle school-aged children.

"Hi Kerry, I just had to touch base with you this morning because I was organizing my “favorites” on the computer and came across a bookmark for your blog. Your latest entry about what you learned with your kids was EXACTLY what I needed today. We have two kids ages 13 and 11. Academics comes easily for our older one, but the younger struggles. We have had tutors, screaming matches, etc. This summer my daughter has math homework as well as writing a report on books that she has read. She hates to read, which is such a shame because I feel she is missing out. We have been fighting all summer so far about her getting her work done.

I actually read the books she need to read and practically wrote one of the reports for her when hers was so awful. I feel horrible about it. After reading your blog, I have a renewed perspective! My husband has a healthier attitude about it—“it is their life, you have to let them live it”. I don’t know why stay-at-home mom’s feel so much pressure for their kids to “succeed” at everything. It truly is their life and they need their relationship with us far more than they need the academics. I know they will be fine because they are great human beings.

Thank you again for your words. They have really touched me today. My daughter will thank you too because you may have helped reduce the stress in our summer!"

What do you think about this? Do your kids have summer homework? How do you and they deal with it?

Do you think stay-at-home moms feel extra pressure for their kids to succeed at everything?

Looking Back and Looking Forward as an Empty Nester

I'm about to be an empty nester, and I am reflecting back on my youngest son's experiences in public school.  Here Sam was in middle school:

And, here he is now, about to graduate from high school:

School has been a struggle for Sam.  He is not in that top 20% academically.  I don't think he will be upset if I share that he has been in the Resource program since middle school. He has proudly, openly proclaimed that Resource saved him in both middle and high school. In addition to seeking out Resource services, probably the best thing I ever did for Sam (beginning in middle school) was to back off and stop micro-managing his homework.  

I, admittedly, hovered over him in elementary school WAY TOO MUCH. (Having a teaching background, I felt entitled to hover.) I'm actually embarrassed at how much I stepped in and "helped" him with homework.  I brought him to tears more than once during some marathon homework sessions.  I even made a video once of him crying when he was supposed to be doing homework and showed it to him. (I know, BAD PARENTING MOMENT, I'm truly ashamed I did that. I'm so sorry Sam!)

I finally backed off and woke up when I saw what homework was doing to both my sons in middle school - crushing their spirits.  And that's when I took an unpopular stand on homework and helped initiate a change in the homework policy in my son's district, back in 2007.  This blog was created out of that homework policy research.

Since then, parents will see me and ask, "Hey, whatever happened with the homework policy?  You did so much work on that and my son/daughter still gets busywork.  Why don't the teachers follow the policy?"

What I've learned through the years is what I knew from the beginning.  In their lifetime, our kids will have some truly excellent, creative, innovative, nurturing, intelligent, dedicated teachers (and both of my boys have) and they will also unfortunately experience some very non-exceptional teachers (and both of my boys have).  We parents have little or no control over what teachers our kids end up with.  But, as long as they are still living in our homes, we do have control over how we interact with them at the end of the school day.

Here are some concrete things I did to stop micro-managing my kids and let them take control of their own learning:

• I turned off the daily email feature on School Snoop (a.k.a. School Loop)
• I looked at School Loop only once per quarter or less
• I stopped asking them how much homework they had after school
• I didn't ask them when they had tests or quizzes or papers or projects due
• I didn't freak out when they said they failed or did really badly on a test or assignment
• I let them decide what classes they wanted to take
• I focused on the content of what they were learning instead of the grade
• I encouraged them to contact their own teachers with questions and frustrations instead of my doing it
• I encouraged them to seek out other students for support or help
• I empathized with them when they were frustrated about too much busywork
• I empathized with them when they were frustrated about a difficult teacher or administrator experience
• I stopped signing them up for too many after school activities
• I stopped sending them to tutors, eventually (this took a while for me to figure out)
• I encouraged down time and free play
• I didn't require them to build a resume for college
• I celebrated with them when they had little or no homework
• I celebrated with them when they experienced a great teacher or teaching moment

Did both of my boys fail some tests and assignments and not get straight A's? Yep.  Did either one end up with a 4.8 GPA?  Nope.  Did they both get into college?  Yep.  

I'd like to share with you that Sam, my Resource student son, got into a small, private school (Sierra Nevada College) that gave him a hefty academic scholarship because his GPA was over a 3.0. Sam didn't beat himself up academically to be in the top 20% of his class, and his grades are just over average, he took no honors or advanced classes, and yet he still found a college that seems to be a good fit for him and is giving him a half-tuition scholarship for his efforts.  

There is a right fit for every type of learner out there.  And, it doesn't have to be college.  It can be a gap year, or internship, or work, or whatever speaks to your child.  And, realize that kids may start out in college and not finish at the same school or even finish at all.  Whatever happens with their educational journey, I hope I can remember my list of things that I did to be a supportive, non-hovering, non-judgmental parent and just keep encouraging them along the way.

  

Thanksgiving Tips from Madeline Levine

Taken from: 

Courageous Parenting Blog

by: Madeline Levine, Ph.D.

Challenge Success website

Regaining Gratitude This Thanksgiving

Ever notice how ironic it is that the holiday that’s designed to make us feel serenely grateful for all that we have—our family, our friends, our prosperous life here in the land of turkey and maize and cranberry salad—falls right in the middle of the most hectic, exhausting time of the year?

Think about it. Our kids are burned out from tests and endless pages of homework. One school project follows closely on the heels of another. Sports and other extracurricular events have left all of us exhausted. Meanwhile, Hanukkah and Christmas (with all their economic, social and familial obligations) loom forebodingly on the horizon.

So how can we pause for a day in the midst of all the chaos and stress—not to mention the weird family dynamics that must be navigated over the Thanksgiving table—and just feel thankful?

The complete answer to that question could fill a book! (And if you know a good one, I’d love the name of it!) But because parenting is my area of expertise, I will zero in on our (complicated, stressful, worry-filled) relationship with our children.

Twenty-first century parents fret. It’s what we do. We wring our hands over our kids’ grades, their social development, their performance on the playing field, their future.

Yet it’s been proven again and again that all of our overparenting behaviors—our bribes, our threats, our micromanagement, our insistence that kids do more, better, faster—not only don’t work, they have the opposite effect. Our frantic efforts to give our kids “an edge” are harming rather than helping them.

And so, based on the knowledge that anxiety and gratitude can’t co-exist, let’s all just relax and trust the research. By research I mean the reams of solid scientific evidence that proves backing off a little is the best thing we can do for our kids.

Below are 10 resolutions that I originally wrote for the beginning of the school year. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I have repurposed them here. I think they speak to the mindset that keeps us from living in the moment and truly savoring the all-too-short time we really have with our kids.

Ten Resolutions For Becoming a More Grateful Parent:

1. I will make sure my child gets a full night’s sleep. Kids need between nine and 12 hours a night. Sleep deprivation impairs concentration, memory, and the ability to accurately read emotional cues. It makes kids crabby and compromises their ability to learn.

2. I will remember that I am a parent, not a CEO. Results are down the line, not at the end of the quarter. This means the occasional “B” or “C” will not break your child’s future prospects. Stop catastrophizing. You won’t see the final fruits of your parenting until your child is grown and gone.

3. I will remember the success trajectory is a squiggle ... not a straight line. Few of us become successful by simply putting one foot in front of the other. Most of us encounter a multitude of twists, turns, direction changes, and stops on the way to our goals.

4. I will love the child in front of me. Appreciate and be thankful for your child’s unique gifts. Children are talented in a multitude of different ways. See your child’s particular talents clearly.

5. I will not push my child to be perfect. Besides genetics, perfectionism is the strongest predictor of clinical depression. Life is full of mistakes, imperfect days, and human failings. Kids need to learn how to cope with these inevitabilities. They (and you) need to be able to feel happiness and gratitude in the face of imperfection.

6. I will not do for my child what he can do for himself. This kills motivation and the ability to innovate. Both are missing from too many young people in today’s workforce.

7. I will not do for my child what she can almost do for herself. At one time your child could almost walk. Now she can walk. Enough said.

8. I will not confuse my needs with my child’s needs. This is the most toxic manifestation of overparenting. Get a hobby or a therapist instead.

9. I will honor the importance of PDF (Play Time, Down Time and Family Time). Don’t overschedule. Kids need time to play, daydream, and just hang out. It’s in these precious “between” times that crucial developmental tasks are accomplished.

10. I will value my own (adult) life. Being a happy, fulfilled, and yes, grateful adult makes you a better parent. It’s one of the best gifts you can give your child. It makes adulthood look like something worth striving for.

When we observe Thanksgiving the way I believe we’re meant to, we realize that life is truly rich and bountiful. As parents, we’ve been given life’s greatest gift. Learning to appreciate and honor that gift may mean breaking the culturally sanctioned patterns that cause us to unknowingly damage our kids even as we seek to make life better for them.

Overparenting is about anxiously exerting control. Gratitude is about accepting what we’ve been given and noticing the joy that it brings. This Thanksgiving weekend, let’s try to do less of the former and more of the latter. And from here out, let’s try to guide and teach our kids without seeking to force them into the mold that we (and society) believe they should conform to. When you can master that balance you will become a perpetually grateful parent.

Too Much Homework?

I've been asked by many parents through the years what they should do if they feel their child's homework load is excessive.  It's a tough question to answer because there is no one answer.  And, really, that's why I started this blog, to be a resource for parents, teachers and students who were struggling with issues of quality and quantity of homework.

I suggest you start with this article called
Homework: How Much Is Too Much.

This informative article gives you suggestions about how to talk to teachers about homework expectations, it mentions the 10-minute/grade level rule, it gives great book suggestions, it opens a dialogue for an opt-out policy, it gives a sample school district homework policy guideline, it suggests healthy ways kids can spend their time NOT doing homework.

You have to do your own homework to deal with this issue.  Sadly, there is no one, quick solution, so I suggest you read this article, and start here.

My journey with this issue began when I read The Homework Myth by Alfie Kohn and had an informal discussion with friends about it.  I also found the website Stop Homework by Sara Bennett.  The good news is that in the six years I've been reading and writing about this subject, much awareness has been brought to this topic. Dig around my blog a little and you will find a multitude of resources to help you in your grassroots effort to re-think established homework norms.

I have so many excellent resources listed on my blue sidebar on the right side of this blog.  Check out: Homework Articles, Homework DVDs and Audio, Books on Homework.

Your journey has already begun by finding my blog!  Pass it on to others who also struggle with this topic.

And, feel free to leave comments.

End of Year Teacher Gift Idea

Why not give the gift of a book to a teacher as the school year winds down?  Click here for my suggestions on books about homework.

My three favorites from this list are:

The Homework Myth by Alfie Kohn

The Case Against Homework by Sara Bennett and Nancy Kalish

The above two books are parent-friendly and this one is more teacher-friendly:

Rethinking Homework: Best Practices That Support Diverse Needs by Cathy Vatterott

I happen to have 2 copies of Rethinking Homework for my local friends.  If you would like to buy one from me, please email me at KerryTeegen@gmail.com.  The cost is $10.00.

Ken Robinson TED talk

Check out this intelligent, funny and provocative 19 minute Sir Ken Robinson TED talk.

Some quotes from the TED talk:

• America spends more money on education than many other countries

• Education is based on conformity

• 10% of kids are being diagnosed with ADHD - I don't believe it's an epidemic

• Children are suffering from "childhood"

• If you can light the spark of curiosity, children will learn

• Curiosity is the engine of achievement

• There is no education system in the world that is better than its teachers

• If there's no learning going on, there's no education going on

• You can be engaged in the activity of something but not really achieving it, like dieting

• The dominant culture of education is about testing

• Testing should support learning, not replace it

• Human life is inherently creative

• One role of education is to awaken creativity

• The role of command and control doesn't work in education

• There is wonderful work happening in this country in spite of the dominant education culture

• Education is not a mechanical system, it's a human system

• Alternative education programs are personalized with strong teacher support

•  The culture of the school is essential

Adding Mindfulness to Schools

This is an interesting article:

Mindfulness Programs In Schools Reduce Symptoms Of Depression Among Adolescents

Click here to read it.

And, scroll down below the article to check out a great slideshow:

8 Awesome Ways High Schools Are Helping Students De-Stress

1. Yoga
2. Pets in the classroom
3. Meditation
4. Power napping during school hours
5. Mindfulness training
6. Wellness rooms for the entire school community
7. More recess time and more homework free nights
8. Self-esteem conferences

Any comments?

Second Grade Homework Letter

I recently received this letter:

"I am an incredibly frustrated Mom right now who's just at the tip of trying to figure out if there is something wrong with my son, or me, or the homework he's given in general. He's a smart, pretty typical 8-year-old boy in the 2nd grade. I know I'm grasping here, but am a bit desperate... I was just wondering if the amount of homework he's given for 4 nights seems accurate or a bit much. I just don't have any point of reference, so thought I'd ask and see what happens. Here's roughly the amount he's been given every week since a couple of weeks into September. It's posted on Sunday afternoon and is due on Friday morning:

Read each night for 10-15 minutes. Pick one of the books you read, or a chapter from a book, to complete the Worksheet attached below.

Math worksheets plus, practice taking the math facts test! Students should be able to complete both sides in 5 minutes by the end of 2nd grade!

Spelling. Only work on your spelling group's word. Monday: Print, cut out and sort your group's pattern words. Show and explain your sort to a parent before writing it on the Word Sort worksheet. (Nightly sort is encouraged.) Tuesday-Thursday: Choose 3 activities (total for the week) to complete from the Spelling Homework Choice Board.

Write a letter to someone you care about, explaining why they are important to you. OR Write a Valentine's Day letter to a person of your choosing. Make sure you write in complete sentences and use expensive words!

I'd appreciate ANY input you might have. I'm aware the policy for the district is 30-45 minutes a night for 2nd and 3rd graders which is SUPPOSED to include reading. We/he can sometimes spend that much time on the writing alone (getting him to hash out his thoughts, then having him actually put pencil to paper and write the sentences out, legibly)."


This was my response to her:

Hi,

It looks like a lot to me and each child will be different in how they complete the homework. I suggest reviewing the SRVUSD policy here.  I've highlighted in red the sentences that I feel are the most meaningful. Feel free to copy any parts of the policy to your son's teacher.

What worked for me when my kids were that age was to focus on the reading (making it fun and pleasurable - usually a cozy, un-rushed snuggle time with a book before bed). If you read for 20 minutes before bed, then have your son spend only 15-20 minutes more on some of the other homework earlier that day. If it doesn't all get done, simply write a note at the top of the page telling the teacher your son spent the recommended 35-40 minutes on homework for that day.

Timing is everything. My sons always needed to let off steam when they got home from school. The first thing I did was feed them and made them run around outside for a long time, playing. Later, when they had settled down, they tackled homework. I wrote many notes on the tops of their unfinished papers while they were in elementary school telling their teachers that play time and family time was more important that day than overloading them on homework.

If you are stressed about their homework, they will be stressed. Don't over emphasize it. It's just homework, and they aren't graded on it until middle school. I know it can seemingly take over a family's life. Don't let it. Focus on what is really important - family time, play time, adequate sleep, eating well, friends, relatives, etc...

Feel free to give the link to my blog to any or all teachers you encounter.

Take care!
Kerry

Finals Week - Study Break Ideas

I have two sons. One is in college on semester break and he took his finals before the break. My other son is in high school and is taking final exams next week, two weeks after winter break. I don't understand why some high schools, like his, have students take exams after the winter break. It seems to me to make so much more sense to have the students take their exams before the winter break. I know the administration can figure out how to make this happen by adjusting the semester and vacation schedules and still get in the 180 days of required instruction. Why they haven't done this is a mystery to me. Perhaps they should take a poll of parents and students and get some feedback? I'll bet the majority would be in favor of the exam schedule shifting back before the winter break.

Whether that happens or not, students still need to study for final exams if they want to pass them.

My advice to all teens (and adults!) studying for finals is:

"Take lots of breaks. Get up often and stretch, hydrate, walk around, get some exercise. Don't try to sit for hours at a time. Eat well. Sleep."

My post below is from a guest blogger with advice about taking breaks from homework and studying.

Lenore Holditch writes for numerous education resource websites, including www.TopOnlineColleges.com. Although she covers a wide range of topics related to learning, Lenore especially enjoys writing about recent trends in education and ways parents can supplement their child’s schooling at home. Please leave your questions or comments for her below!

5 Breaks from Homework that Reboot the Brain 

by Lenore Holditch

Homework breaks are typical for kids who have several assignments to complete every night. Although these breaks aren’t very long, most kids still look for ways to fill the time, often by watching television or playing video games. There are better ways to spend this time, though. Ways that actually work to a student’s advantage by reenergizing their mind and strengthening practical skills. 

Listed below are five..    

1. Go for a walk or a bike ride: Exercise is one of the best ways to recharge the brain after a long day of school and homework. If the weather is nice, let your child take a 30-minute break from homework to go for a walk or bike ride around the neighborhood. You can tag along, too, for a little extra exercise, and don’t forget any pets that might enjoy a little outdoor time! 

2. Practice a hobby or talent: Every kid has a hobby or talent that they enjoy. From skateboarding to playing an instrument to drawing, there are a wide range of extracurricular activities that can be practiced during a homework break. Aside from being fun, practicing a hobby is also great exercise for the mind and/or body. Even more, working on a hobby or talent helps build self-esteem.

3. Help prepare dinner: Cooking is fun. It’s also educational, because it reinforces subjects learned in school, including reading, math, and science. Children can even learn about world culture through cooking. If their interested, let your kids take a break from homework to help you prepare an easy meal for dinner. If they aren’t attracted to the idea of cooking, ask them to set the table instead, and before they go back to finishing their homework, make sure they do at least one thing to help clean up. Although this is technically a chore, it’s still a break from homework. Most importantly, it’s practical training for adult life.

4. Work on a craft project: If your child is interested in arts and crafts, help them start a long-term project that they can work on during a homework break. Example projects include scrapbooking, creating homemade holiday decorations, making homemade toys or friendship bracelets, and more. More project ideas can be found at such resourceful websites as MarthaStewart.com, Pinterest.com, and HobbyLobby.com. This is a fun break idea that that can keep kids busy for hours. Of course, you want them to finish their work and get to bed on time, so be sure they understand that the project should only be worked on for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. To make things easier, set up a workspace in the garage or playroom, and make sure you provide appropriate supervision.

5. Go run an errand: If your child is of driving age, their homework break could be an opportunity to help you finish your to-do list. Give them 30 minutes to drive and pick up the family’s dry cleaning or a few groceries. This is another homework break that also does double duty as a chore and life skills training.

Even if there isn’t any homework on the schedule, the above activities are all great ways to spend the after-school hours at home, away from the television and computer screen.

I’d like to hear from my readers; what other homework break ideas do you all have?

Simply too much Homework!

Vera Goodman has written a short, succinct book on how too much homework has negatively impacted our lives.  I invite you to read Simply too much Homework and share it with others.

I've quoted some of my favorite thoughts from the book below:

• "But no one can prove that homework works, and the evidence is mounting that it can, in fact, have serious negative consequences.  It is time we discussed alternatives.

• I wonder how many creative, artistic, witty youngsters have failed to develop their gifts because these talents are not valued in the educational system - even though they are highly valued in society.

• As much as report cards emphasize under achievement, it is homework that repetitively reinforces failure.  Homework forces students to carry their weaknesses home every day to share with family members.

• How would adults feel if they were regularly graded and labeled inferior?

• No matter how parents justify it or demand it, excessive homework is an intrusion into the private lives of children.

• On what view is the decision to design a common curriculum that all students must master or be labeled as failures based on?

• Another common justificaiton for homework is so that children can learn study habits to prepare for college.  This argument is based in the view that humans are not flexible enough to adjust to circumstances as they arise.  What bunk!  Children are at a very different stage in their development than adults.  No argument about adult study should ever be used as a reason for burdening children.

• Early intervention can easily become early interference.

• Kindergarten is the new first grade and first grade is like literacy boot camp.

• The decision to assign homework at all is based in the view that humans have to be pressured to learn.  Infants and young children tell us a whole different story.  They are curious sponges of knowledge until someone starts to organize their agenda.

• 'No pupil under the age of fifteen years in any grammar or primary school shall be required to do any home study.' -- California Civil Code, 1901

• [In the early 1900s] educators believed that homework could, 'weaken children intellectually and foster poor study habits.' They thought an emphasis on results, 'could even afford training in actual dishonesty.'

• No activity separates the haves and have-nots like homework.

• [Parent letter written to her child's school] 'I appreciate your dedication to my child and I am grateful for your positive influence and significant contribution to my child's welfare and education.  You will continue to have my support, but please get out of my living room.'

• [Parent] 'I feel like I'm being forced to be a homeschooler, except that I have to do it in the evening when he is exhausted rather than having him in the morning when he is fresh.'

• Research concludes that too much work and too little play causes depression, poor health and high stress levels in both adults and children.

• Is it the responsibility of schools to keep students busy at home?

• Like me, many parents are beginning to resent the way schools cast their tentacles into the home.

• Children cannot define their own problems.  They accept the definitions handed to them by the adults in their lives.

• I could not survive if I had to face my weaknesses for most of my waking day with no time left in the evening for all the other things that make life worth living.

• Rarely do schools say when a student is failing, 'Where are we going wrong?'

• Rather than expecting parents to create ideal environments for homework, we can change the concept of it.  Homework can be altered from drill and kill exercises to opportunities to learn life skills.  Such things as cooking, cleaning, doing household repairs, volunteering, discussing issues, and engaging in experiences not available at school are all ways to participate in important learnings.

• The best teachers deliver this message - learning is its own reward!

• Collaboration never takes place in obedience - only in mutual respect and trust.

• Childhood is not a race.

• Children and adolescents need a voice in how they spend their free moments.

• Changing the way we regard homework is a small step, but involve students in the discussion and we could end up changing the world."

The holidays are approaching.  Perhaps this book would make a nice gift for a teacher or administrator?  You can buy a copy here.

Is The Honeymoon Over?

I love the excitement of the fall and the first couple weeks of school.  I always loved being a student and the start of a new school year.  The energy at school during these first few weeks is usually positive, hopeful, happy and light-hearted.

And then...homework begins, and all that changes.

I just received an email from a blog reader.  This is what she said:

"Hi Kerry, I just found you and your blog. I have a 2nd grader in the SRVUSD and I am stressed already about homework this year. I am absolutely against homework in elementary school knowing what we do about how there is no correlation between success level.

I am a pretty active parent and my daughter benefits from several resources funded by our donations. (Barton, Touch Math and others.) I feel as if they have her for 6.5 hours a day. I want her to come home and be a kid. To play and do art and watch a little TV is she wants to. 

My husband and I both work full time and I pick up our daughter at 4:30 or so from aftercare. She is fried by then. To begin homework at that time of nights is nearly worthless. The quality of the homework done during "homework time" at aftercare has not been great either. 

So, here we go into another year of the homework battle. I just want to opt out. I don't see links to any district info or PTA petition but would love to jump on board with you. Happy to support any way we can! "


I would like to point out for all you other SRVUSD parents that I have a link to our district's homework policy on this blog. In the green box on the right side of my blog is a link that says, "Link to My District's Homework Policy" - Click on "SRVUSD Policy." And then notice that I've highlighted in red all the parts of the policy that I like best.

To address the above parent's concerns, notice that the SRVUSD homework policy says:

"Grades 2-3: 30-45 minutes of homework per night (reading included)

[and]

Except for reading, homework at the elementary level should not be assigned over weekends, holidays, or extended school breaks."

So, if I were the parent who commented above, I would encourage about 15 minutes or more of reading with my 2nd grade child sometime after school, maybe at night before bed, or anytime that is relaxed and not rushed. If I felt compelled to have my child do more homework than reading, I would put a time limit on it - no more than 10-15 more minutes and sign off on the top of the page that your child completed 30 minutes of homework (reading included) as per the SRVUSD homework policy. Do NOT panic if your child does not finish the homework packet. Being non-rushed after work and school is more important than stressing out about second grade homework. Send the message to your child that non-hurried family time is more important than plowing through worksheets and getting everyone upset about it.

Reading is a wonderful way to reconnect with your child after a busy day. Remove all screens when you read. Devote full attention to your child and the story. Enjoy. They are little only once. It truly goes by so fast.

Can you tell I have one off to college? Long gone are the days when he was small enough to curl up in my lap or snuggle in bed and have a story read to him. Those are precious times, and they are full of learning. Don't let those moments slip away and replace them with worksheets or with checking your emails.

Let's try to keep the positive energy and hope of the start of the school year going for as long as possible.

The Myth of Motivation

I recently read The Homework Trap by Kenneth Goldberg and highly recommend it as a Back to School Teacher gift, or just as a good read for yourself if you feel you have a homework trapped kid.

The following is a guest post by Kenneth Goldberg, Ph.D. who is the author of The Homework Trap:How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students, and Teachers. He has 35 years of experience as a clinical psychologist. He is also the parent of three adult children, one of whom was seriously homework trapped. His website is www.thehomeworktrap.com.

As the summer comes to an end, you hear a sound in the air, a collective “sigh of relief,” knowing life will soon be normal again. Sure, that family vacation was fun, but you spent the rest of the summer wondering how to manage work and home, with bored children underfoot. You chuckle remembering the office supply store commercial, before last school year began, with the parent gliding down the aisle on a shopping cart singing the Christmas tune, “It’s the best time of the year.”

Perhaps, you are that parent who looks gratefully ahead for the school year to start. Perhaps, you’re not. Perhaps, you are at home, fretting that the summer homework has not been done despite your constant reminders (should we say nagging?), knowing you’re about to face another year of frequent homework battles. Last year, you followed the teacher’s suggestions. You read the paper with its homework advice. You may have even purchased a book or two touting homework nirvana if you did it right. It didn’t work then, and you don’t believe it will work this year.

So here’s some uncommon advice. Chuck the summer homework assignment. Don’t do it for your child (you’re only teaching him to cheat), and don’t force him to get it all done (as if compliance and rushed work is what learning is about). Just, write the teacher a note: “Just to let you know, Johnny didn’t get his summer homework done.” The consequences will be small. You have bigger issues on your mind: what’s going to happen through the rest of the year.

Instead, start by observing your child as summer comes to an end. If he’s like many homework-trapped children, you will note that he is quite interested in getting his school supplies – his book bag, the notebooks, pencils and pens – so he’s ready to start his new school year. Listen for the excitement in his voice and realize that he’s really looking forward to school. And notice what he does for the first three weeks. He’ll bring home some good grades, and if he’s in middle school, he’ll bring home great grades and make you feel proud: that is until the calls start coming in. The reason I focus on middle school is because your middle school child will have several different teachers, and because of that, he’ll get all the work done for some of his teachers, and none for the rest.

Obviously, it is not your goal for your child to pass some of his courses but fail the others. But it is important to take note of what is happening with him since this early school-year behavior is an important sign to help you dispel the Myth of Motivation. Typically, parents and teachers alike see the homework-trapped child as not motivated to work. This is not true, which is why it is so important to pay particular attention to these early school year signs that he wants to do well. Homework noncompliance is almost always misread as a behavioral problem, when it truly is a learning problem in disguise. When we miss this point, the child feels trapped, acts out in response, and ends up becoming a behavioral problem in the end. School districts throughout the country are overburdening their child study teams and creating unnecessary school district-wide expenditures to manage behavioral problems that they create by not understanding why some children don’t do their work.

The issue is pace. The school day is bound by the clock. Adults work at jobs where they are paid by the hour. Yet children are sent home with a folder full of assignments that they have to keep doing until it all gets done. People do not work at the same pace, yet they can function together at school and on their jobs, and in many other tasks large and small, simply because they work on the task for a fixed period of time. Homework trapped children cannot get their work done as quickly as children who don’t have this problem. They typically have problems with working memory (sustaining attention) and processing speed (usually handwriting). If the child cannot complete the assignment in a reasonable amount of time, that child is destined to suffer harm. The child will either refuse to do the homework, at a cost to his grades; or will do the homework but fail to develop social skills.

The solution is simple: bind the homework session by the clock. Require that the child work a reasonable amount of time, knowing he’ll be totally free when that time is up. Any parent can implement this solution in his or her own home by simply setting that standard with the child. Inevitably, the child does more work than he ever did battling hours on end, regardless of the reactions he gets at school.

Obviously, we want to protect our children from failing grades when they put forth a reasonable effort, so it is important to contact the school and seek support from the teachers as well. This means asking them to accept the fact that you as the parent are in charge of your home, and want a reasonable adjustment in the grade penalties for work that is not done.

In the end, you may need to institutionalize these recommendations in a formal plan called a 504. The specifics are found in my book, The HomeworkTrap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students, and Teachers. But first and foremost, don’t let anyone say that your child is not motivated, or that he’s any lazier than any other child. The Myth of Motivation can get quickly asserted without considering the other signs that your child really wants to do well.

Yoga = Less Stressed Out Children & Adults

Guest Blog by Nicole DeAvilla

We hear a lot these days about the toll stress takes on our children and ourselves.  Many of the leading diseases that plague our culture today are related to stress: diabetes, obesity, heart disease, depression and more.  On the other hand there is a growing amount of scientific evidence that shows how yoga reverses the negative effects of stress and can   mitigate many of the effects of stress related illnesses.

You might be thinking… sounds good but how could I ever get my tween or teen to slow down and do some yoga – my child has ADHD, my child has no time for anything else in her schedule… is it “cool” enough?  I think Yoga would be too difficult for me even if I had the time to practice it…

Let’s look at the science.  While exercise can also help to reduce stress, yoga additionally incorporates breathing exercises, positive attitudes and concentration skills that apparently add up to additional benefits.

Yoga literally increases grey matter in the brain, especially in the prefrontal lobes (executive function, concentration, will power, happy moods etc.) and in the part of the brain that makes us feel connected (feeling connected to the world around you – the environment, friends, family etc.).  It decreases the activity in the back part of the brain, which is associated with impulsive behavior, worry, fear, addiction etc.

Yoga helps with managing emotions, feeling more connected and focused and with ADHD.  And what’s the side effect?  - Increased levels of dopamine, a hormone, which makes us feel happy.  That’s a side effect I can live with!

If you or your child had more executive function skills, focus and felt happier, less worried, distracted and impulsive – would there be more time left over in the day after work, school, home work, chores and family time to practice a few minutes of yoga daily – either together, with a YouTube video or on your own? 

And as for the cool factor – many professional athletes and movie stars now practice yoga, the girls love yoga clothing, a top bay area high school football team practices yoga and the list goes on – yoga is now cool.

In the meantime, guess what kids tell me is a cause of stress in their lives?  Stressed out adults!   Stressed adults=stressed kids.  If we, as parents, can reduce or eliminate the negative effects of stress in our own lives, we will automatically be getting rid of a negative stress in the lives of our children.  We can set a healthy example of how to deal with stress.

Fortunately some of the most effective yoga techniques that have been studied by scientists are simple and easy to do.  A simple way to think of it, is that if we move our body (a few yoga postures) then do some deep diaphragmatic belly breathing followed by a pleasant concentration technique, such as watching our breath (and not being judgmental when our mind wanders as it will inevitably do) or thinking about what we feel grateful for we can reverse the negative effects of stress in just minutes!

So instead of caving into the stresses of modern life, strike a pose, breathe deeply and sit and focus inwardly for a bit and feel the gratitude – It will do your body and mind good as well as your child’s.

Nicole DeAvilla E-RYT 500, Yoga Professor

Bestseller author of  “The 2 Minute Yoga Solution”

Creator of the 2 Minute Yoga Club

Upcoming events:

Friends of Ricki Parenting MeetUp: Nicole is the featured guest and will talk about parenting, drugs and alcohol and will lead participants in some fun 2 Minute Yoga.

 http://www.meetup.com/Friends-of-Ricki-Parenting-Marin/

Look, Feel and Be Your Best! Teleseminar July 20, 2012

http://the2minuteyogasolution.com/secrets1

Homework Guidelines and Reflection

Are you ready for a new vision on homework?

Today the “Race to Nowhere" Team, as well as education and homework experts Alfie Kohn, Sara Bennett and Etta Kralovec will be presenting new Healthy Homework Guidelines to the National PTA in hopes of gaining their endorsement.

To see a sneak peek of a video they’ll be playing for the PTA promoting a new vision for homework, go here.

I am on the Advisory Board for the film "Race to Nowhere" and I support Vicki Abeles' efforts to bring homework to the agenda of the National PTA.

As Alfie Kohn says in the video, "Homework may be the greatest single extinguisher of children's curiosity that we have yet invented."

I read Kohn's book "The Homework Myth" in 2007 when my oldest son was in 7th grade. A typically happy, fun kid who loved life and liked school, he became depressed and seriously stressed out in 7th grade. Much of that was due to a bad experience with a teacher, with a subject (math), and with homework that year. It isn't an exaggeration to say he hated school that year and he will tell you even today how horrible middle school was for him particularly in 7th grade.

That was the year I got together with another parent and we took our homework concerns to the district. It ultimately ended with a creation of a homework task force (which I was on) and a revision of the district's homework policy.

Are things better now in my son's school district with regard to homework quality and quantity? Hmmm...every teacher and every child and every situation is different, so there is no gross generalization I can make about this.

The main point I try to make to parents is: don't stress out about your children's homework and grades. Their homework is THEIR homework, not YOURS. If they don't understand an assignment, they need to ask the teacher. They need to advocate for themselves. It is not your job to teach your children their assignments or do their homework for them. You can offer assistance when they ask you, but only be on the sidelines. Don't take over their work.

I'm speaking to an educated group of parents that read this blog, who are very involved in their children's lives. Perhaps we need to be a bit less involved, and let them take more ownership of their own activities and school work? Perhaps it's time to NOT stress about our children's academics and performance, but instead reflect on their spirit, goodness, character and playfulness- to enjoy their childhood before it is gone.

The Homework Pill

Dr. Lawrence Diller has written a piece in the Huffington Post about using medications for homework relief. The Homework Pill mentions stimulants, such as Adderall, that "get people to stick with tasks they find boring or difficult. Impulsive hyperactive children often become more methodical and deliberate, which appears as 'calming' them down" when using stimulants for school-related tasks.

He describes a"classic" study [that] was published in 1980 designed to prove that amphetamine "worked" on normal children too. The study concluded that the stimulant improved the under-average performance of the hyperactive children to an average level, while the performance of the normal children increased to 'supranormal' or above-average levels.

I have personal experience with this. When my 16 year-old was in 4th grade, he was diagnosed with ADHD. He was really ADD - distractible much of the time during school (and while doing homework) and not so much hyperactive. (Although, every now and then he'll go a little nutty (like we all do) and put the "H" in ADHD.)   So, school has always been a bit of a challenge for him.

When my son was in 4th grade, I was married to a physician who prescribed medication everyday, and had no problem with the idea of entertaining the use of medication for treatment for my son. We tried several different stimulant medications for him. What I found was that he turned a bit zombie-like. I'd watch him stare out the window while we were driving in the car. Previously, he would have been chatty in the car. I also noticed his grades improved. He improved by at least one letter grade in the subjects that were the most difficult for him.

After 4 months of experimenting with different meds, I ultimately decided it wasn't worth it. I wanted my alert, distractible and sometimes silly, wonderful, unpredictable kid back. Another reason to stop the medication was he suffered from some serious side effects that I hated - loss of appetite (on an already thin frame) and daily head aches. No matter how much we tweaked the dosage, he would always have these two side effects.

I am not anti medication. I take meds myself for a variety of issues. But, I decided medication was not worth it for my son. He now gets extra help at school and I have gone completely hands off when it comes to monitoring his homework. Once I stopped being the hovering helicopter parent that monitored his daily homework and tests, he took ownership of his work and is getting very decent grades. One subject here and there will throw him for a loop and when that happens, I don't reach for the pills, but instead get him the outside help he needs to feel successful in that subject.

BTW, The best book I read on ADHD was Driven to Distraction. See my sidebar on this blog for more books on ADHD. And read the Dr. Diller article on homework and medication. He states that most kids (especially teens) will struggle with motivation at some point in their schooling and we would do well to just "admit these are normal kids struggling to adjust to one of life's universal challenges."

Does Homework Lower Test Scores?

I recently received this email from a reader:

"I am a 7th grade student in the east bay. I dont have one night (including weekends) without it least 5 hours of homework ... I am a ski racer, and I have to miss some fridays for races and/or training. When I go back to school on the following Monday, I feel like I am soooo behind because everyone had like 15 hours of homework I havent done yet... then the teachers expect you to turn in all of it the next day, including that nights homework!!! Its crazy! Are they trying to have us hate school? Isnt this the reason why people drop out of high school, and dont go to college? I think principals should make a limit of homework per night."

I feel badly for this 7th grader, and I don't have a great solution. I remember 7th grade was a difficult year for both of my boys and as 7th graders they didn't feel they could advocate for themselves about their feelings on homework. If they complained about it, there was backlash.

Perhaps the student or his/her parents could drop a hint to the teachers that assign the most work. They could give these teachers the gift of a book. Any of the homework books listed on my sidebar, under "Homework" would be a good place to start. (The Homework Myth, The Case Against Homework or Rethinking Homework.) Or, perhaps they could send the teacher or administrator links to articles on homework.

A recent "study of 10,000 Australian school kids found that 27% of 10 and 11-year-olds do at least three or four hours of homework per week. And as any parent who's ever put in a late night re-familiarizing himself with eighth-grade algebra or assembling a blue ribbon-worthy science fair project knows, it's not just the kids who are impacted by homework. A full 41% of parents spend at least three nights a week helping out the kids, according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies. While the results are unique to Australia, they certainly paint a picture pretty familiar to parents in the U.S. and other nations."

- from the article, Is Homework a Giant Waste of Time?

Or, point them to this article: Too Much Homework Can Lower Test Scores, Researchers Say

"According to Richard Walker, an educational psychologist at Sydney University, data shows that in countries where more time is spent on homework, students score lower on a standardized test called the Program for International Student Assessment, or PISA. The same correlation is also seen when comparing homework time and test performance at schools within countries. Past studies have also demonstrated this basic trend.

Inundating children with hours of homework each night is detrimental, the research suggests, while an hour or two per week usually doesn't impact test scores one way or the other. However, homework only bolsters students' academic performance during their last three years of grade school. "There is little benefit for most students until senior high school (grades 10-12)." 

When will we finally get this?  This isn't about complaining parents who don't want to set high educational goals for their children.  This is about common sense.  Seeing a student slog through 2-4 hours of homework after school is not an effective way to learn, in fact it tends to turn students off to learning.

Let's put our heads together and think of more creative ways to inspire a love of learning.  Worksheets don't cut it anymore, and guess what, they never did.

Giving Thanks

I received a "Happy Thanksgiving" card in the mail yesterday. On the inside it said, "Appreciation: it changes your perspective about everything...Enjoy the Holidays!"

And then, as I sat here typing this blog post, the mailman came and I received another one. This one said, "Thanksgiving a time for sharing special joys - Sending warm thanks for your business and wishes for a Thanksgiving filled with family, friends and favorite traditions."

These cards came from two places of business - my financial planner and my insurance agent. I'm happy they are sending me thanks. They provide a service for me throughout the year and are showing me their appreciation. I prefer this type of card to the Christmas holiday card. I think this one is more heartfelt and focused.

I prefer Thanksgiving to Christmas for the same reason. The focus is on giving thanks and not on getting something.

Then I thought of teachers. Teachers also provide a service for us. We pay them (either with our taxes or tuition) to teach our children. Wouldn't it be unique to get a Happy Thanksgiving card from a teacher? What if a teacher sent a card to a parent saying, "Thank you for your child. They brighten my day every day Monday through Friday." Or, "Thank you for helping your child outside of the classroom which makes my work easier in the classroom." Or, "Thank you for trusting me to decide what is best for your child with regard to reading or math." Or, "Thank you for providing volunteer hours in my classroom." Or, "Thank you for taking such good care of your child - he comes to school happy, clean, and eager to learn most days."

Or, what if a student received Thank You cards from a teacher on Thanksgiving? Perhaps a card saying something like, "Thank you for always having a smile on your face." Or, "Thank you for working extra hard on that project." Or, "Thank you for making me laugh." Or, "Thank you for not giving up when you are struggling." Or, "Thank you for being a good friend to your classmate who is troubled." Or, "Thank you for making mistakes and learning from them."

It may seem like blasphemy to ask an already overworked, stressed out teacher to write Thank You cards, but I disagree. I think the Thank You's should come all year long, whenever a student or parent does something authentically pleasing to a teacher. Even a quick email saying thanks for a specific action would be appreciated.

And, of course, thanking teachers is nice, too. If a parent or student feels thankful for a particular teacher this holiday season (or anytime throughout the year), she or he should write the teacher a note or email expressing thanks. This will also help pave the way for students and parents to easily and openly communicate with teachers if something difficult arises during the year.

But remember, it must be authentic. Giving thanks because you are told to, misses the point.